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But He’s a Good Man
When we talk about “being a good Hmong man,” we leave out the societal aspects that protect, enhance, and justify toxic male behavior. In our culture, many, many men get a pass and are still labeled “a good man” as long as he helps out the community. He shows up to events, helps with the butchering, sits through ceremonies, puts in money. He’s fun to hang out with and drink with. That makes him by community standards “a good man.” He’s fulfilling his tribal duties.
But that’s only half of him. The other half, we’ll talk about behind his back but we won’t confront him about it. We’ll say, “Oh, he’s just strict. He’s just traditional.” The worst part? We’ll make excuses for him. We’ll protect him before we protect her. We’ll accept him as is and we’ll tell her “that’s just the life of a Hmong woman.”
So what does “good Hmong men” have to do with domestic violence and rape culture? How does this tie in together?
There will be some who will say, “Oh, there she goes again, attacking men,” instead of saying, “There are truths there and it needs to be addressed because I see it too.” Rape culture is not just a criticism of the permissiveness allowed to men in our society; it is also a close look at the role women play in allowing and…
